And How Are You Doing, Angie?

Shitty, thanks for asking!! At 15 weeks, the sickness is still lingering. I did have one glorious day at the beginning of the week where I felt like my old self, but this just made the vomiting the next morning seem all the worse. I am tired. Tired of feeling crappy, tired of not being myself, tired of running to the bathroom, tired of knowing I will go home each night and sit in the recliner and watch television and accomplish nothing.

Well, that's not true. I have accomplished a few things. They may seem ridiculously unimportant, but they've been milestones for me. I've gotten on the treadmill three times in the past week and a half. Just to walk, but that would have been inconceivable a month ago. I've started reading books again, albeit slowly. I've pared down my fast food frenzy to only a couple of times a week and am actually cooking a few meals. So really, when you look back, you can see I must be feeling at least somewhat better. However, since I thought the sickness would be completely gone by now, you can see why I am still demoralized.

The next fun thing on the schedule is our second ultrasound on Aug. 18th. They are going to check my cervix (I had a LEEP years ago and apparently that puts me at risk for incompetent cervix), but I am holding out hope that the ultrasound will also show us the gender of the baby. I have zero women's intuition on the issue. I know some women just 'know', but I'm not one of them. I've had dreams it's a boy, dreams it's a girl. So we'll see.

Kirk still hasn't quite accepted that we are actually having a baby. Last night, I came up with the grand idea of shining a flashlight on my belly because "Honey, the websites say that the baby will move away from it! We can also poke it and it will move!" (yes, my first act of motherhood is to poke my baby and shine a flashlight in its face). To which Kirk replied, "NOOO! It's too soon! Maybe after the next ultrasound!" Apparently he wants to wait until we're sure it's alive before we start abusing it. We are going to be fabulous parents.

Things I Wish People Had Told Me About Pregnancy

1. That I would feel so icky all the time. No, I'm not just talking about the sickness, which is a big part of it. I'm also talking about the acne (on my arms! my chest! all over my face! What the HELL?), the changes in my body (when did my hips get so wide??? I'm only three months along!) and the fact that I just don't feel pretty in anything I wear these days.

2. The connection I'd feel to every other (visibly) pregnant woman out there. I can't tell you how many times I have smiled wistfully at a pregnant woman or had to stop myself from going right over and striking up a conversation with one. I actually did strike up a conversation with one in the maternity section of JC Penney, but it was short-lived as my "Wow, they expect us to wear some ugly clothes!" was met with a nod and a skedaddle. Maybe because she was like 8 months along and I'm barely showing and she was probably like, "yeah, what do you know?"

3. The fact that alcohol turns my stomach. Not that I'm a really big drinker, but I thought I'd at least be hankerin' for a beer now and then. Nope. It all looks revolting to me. This may change after the sickness has completely subsided.

4. People start calling you 'Mommy'. Hello?? My name is still Angie! I am still me (though with much worse skin)!!!

5. That I would be three months along and not even thinking about the baby room. I thought the fun event of getting the baby's room ready would appeal to me very early. Nope. The supposed 'nursery' is still filled with our old busted computer, a crappy twin bed and something in the closet that the cat and/or dog deposited months ago that I still can't bring myself to go near.

6. That I would feel so unsexy. Some pregnant women feel sexy, right? Not me. Whether it's my husband eyeing me or a stranger flirting, I feel like yelling, "YUCK! Don't you know what I AM??"

7. That I would already be wishing for the nine months to be over. I really, really thought I would enjoy being pregnant. And, to be fair to myself, maybe it's just been the sickness and initial weight gain that have thrown me for a loop and I'll enjoy it more down the road, but right now? I just want to have the little guy (or girl) in my arms and my body back to normal.

So now all you gals with children--what's something you wish YOU would have been told about pregnancy??

Terrible Blogger Award?

If there is an award for being a terrible blogger, I would definitely be in the running! I haven't posted forever. My only excuse is that I am still sick. But that doesn't seem like an excuse since I know a bunch of bloggers who blogged throughout worse morning sickness than mine and still managed to be funny and sincere and consistent. Apparently, I am just lazy.

I am a little over 13 weeks and the last few weeks have gone sort of like this:

Almost 12 Weeks: Okay, I'll feel better at 12 weeks. Just a few more days to go!
12 Weeks: (Barf, gag, uugghhh)
Almost 13 Weeks: 13 weeks! That's when I'll feel better!
13 Weeks: (Barf, gag, ohmygooooodddd)

So now it's 14 weeks. I just know I'll feel better at 14 weeks. You can't say I'm not optimistic, right?

I even got a prescription for the super-duper expensive, no insurance company wants to pay for it Zofran. That stuff is $36 per pill. After fighting for nearly a week, I got a month of it for $27. I was so excited...until I took one. This supposed Miracle Drug did nothing but constipate the hell out of me. So now I have over $3000 worth of medication just sitting on my counter. I was tempted to find some Pregnant Women Without Insurance Black Market, but that would take too much energy.

I have also graduated to wearing all frumpy clothes. My love handles are really getting out of control since eating is the only thing that makes me feel better. I always thought I'd be one of those pregnant women who always looked put together and fashionable, but no. Oh, no. I'm lucky if I shower in the morning and I can count the number of times I've curled my hair in the last 2 months on one hand with fingers to spare.

So that's it. The life of a miserable pregnant woman. Hopefully next post will find me feeling great and lovin' life!!!