Laugh As I Attempt to Entertain

I belong to a Bunko group. Not sure if you've all heard of these, but it's a group of 12 ladies that gets together every month to play a dice game, drink, eat and gossip. It's technically spelled Bunco, but I think that looks stupid and wrong, so I call it Bunko. Anyway. As fate would have it, I was supposed to host Bunko last month, when I was still venturing to the toilet to heave up my toenails on a regular basis. Luckily, another lady agreed to switch with me, but then proceeded to have the Bunko Extravaganza of the Year complete with a full bar, dancing men, prizes and all manners of seafood. Since my budget is not nearly as large as this woman's and my house is not as nice and I don't even know of even one man who would agree to dance in front of a bunch of boozed up ladies while wearing a grass skirt, my event will obviously not be as entertaining. Unless you consider pushing a 100-pound dog's snout out of your crotch every five minutes entertaining, which, in that case, I'm going to have the party of the century.

Bunko has already lost a bit of its appeal to me since, obviously, I can't booze it up anymore and that's pretty much what it's about. But now I have to host the event, provide booze to everyone else, watch them get liquored up in my home, and sit around with my damn iced tea and hope no one notices that I didn't scrub the floors.

Yesterday I made Kirk go with me to the store to buy the liquor because I didn't want people thinking I, a visibly pregnant lady, was going to go home and down two bottles of wine, a case of beer and a gallon of rum. And I still got a nasty look from some middle-aged lady.

Then I had to purchase all the fixin's for food because not only can these ladies drink, but they can also eat. I decided to go with a Mexican theme that will involve Chicken Flautas, various dips, chips and Mexican Wedding Cookies. Don't ask what they are, I found them on allrecipes.com, they've got Mexican in the title and have less than six ingredients. Who cares if they taste like dog snot? They fit in with the theme.

So tonight I get to frantically clean, try to make the cookies and pre-cook some of the flautas so that I'll have time tomorrow after work to finish any cleaning, put together the dips and drinks and get ready to welcome 12 ladies into my home that hasn't seen that many guests since...never. All without the calming effects of liquor in my bloodstream. Ah, the joys of pregnancy, they keep multiplying.

So Where Are the Pictures of My Belly?

I'll tell you where they are--they're nonexistent!! However, I've been thinking more about it and realized I should document The Enlargement because it's something I might want to look back on months (years?) from now and laugh, rather than cry, which is what I feel like doing now when I look in the mirror. It's not the belly that makes me cry, it's the love handles. Can you carry a baby in your love handles? Because I think I am. Let's not forget that right before I got pregnant I had FINALLY reached (near) my goal weight and was feeling pretty zippy about my body for the first time in years, so the re-gaining (though for a good cause) is even harder to take.

Of course, there are a few things I must take care of before I post pictures of The Belly.

1. I have to shave it. Shaddup, I have hair on my belly. And don't say, "Oh, it's the hormones" because I totally had hair on my belly before I got pregnant, you just usually couldn't see it because I slathered self-tanner on and now I can't be bothered because I would rather sleep in.

2. I have to find someone to take the picture. I guess I could do one of those pictures in the mirror things, but that would mean I would have to clean the mirror. Something that has not been done since before the Two Big Lines on the pee-pee stick. I could ask the husband, but I'm pretty sure he still doesn't know how to use our (three year old) camera and I always get so ticked when I have to walk him through something. Again, don't say it's the hormones, I have ALWAYS gotten ticked about that.

3. I have to find my cord to hook the camera into the computer. Then remember how to download pictures. I am a technical moron.

So when will the belly pictures post? Well, considering the three things that must happen first, we may be looking at...a month to...oh, say...never. But I'll try! I promise!

I am 16 weeks today and am feeling a bit better, though the sickness is still lingering and I have an unhappy suspicion it might not leave until we've got the kid in the carseat and are on the way home from the hospital. But even that event is getting closer, so I won't complain (for the moment).